How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
