We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
