but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
