We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
