Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
