Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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