I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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