So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
