i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
