i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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