no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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