so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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