I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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