after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
