i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize