Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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