i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The ass gains better be worth it
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