i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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