apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
