the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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