shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
