Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You pole danced in your parka.
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