Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
