In the future we'll all be gay
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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