whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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