all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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