I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
