I can text with my tongue
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
