My first STD was from a foam party
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
