There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
