since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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