I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
