next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
