there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
