he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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