I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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