I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
