That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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