I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
