so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize