Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
