cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
