Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
