the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
