My first STD was from a foam party
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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