will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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