a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
