i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
