I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize