I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
