we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
