I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
