If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
