nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize