can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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