Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
