yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
