Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
