good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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