Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
