You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
