i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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