just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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