I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
