I'm pants shitting drunk right now
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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