I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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