is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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