i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
