I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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