This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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