I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
