dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
