I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
