so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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