So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
