people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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