the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You ruined the universe
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
