Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
