I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
