I didn't shave. On purpose
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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