Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
