Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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