I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
