I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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