Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
